Can boundary setting helps us avoid workplace burnout?

Discussing psychological safety in the workplace is an important way of showing your team that their wellbeing is valued. It showcases your trust that they are capable (and allowed!) to set boundaries in alignment with your overall company values, which in turns offers them more autonomy and improves wellbeing and performance.

Avoiding employee burnout is high on most managers’ agendas as we re-enter life after lockdown. This time period has been incredibly intense and for lots of us, as we start to say ‘goodbye’ to survival mode, it’s now that the real processing will begin. If immune systems are low, and tolerances have been pushed and tested, then burnout could be right around the corner for you or your team. So what’s the answer? In my experience, keeping your purpose of why you come to work and what you want to achieve, is the real key no matter what you do or in what position you do it. As a leader, sharing core values more regularly in conversation will help motivate you and boost the morale of your team as purpose keeps us aware of our impact and daily wins.

Woohoo – job done! Surely it’s enough just to keep our why close by and encourage our team to establish their own clear purpose in the workplace? Not quite…

Once values are redefined and that purpose is distinctly outlined, then this is where we need to encourage our teams (and perhaps ourselves) to become their own boundary-setting bosses. This is when it’s time to empower them further to actively monitor their protection of what’s important to them in your company. Discussing psychological safety in the workplace is an important way of showing your team that their wellbeing is valued. It showcases your trust that they are capable (and allowed!) to set boundaries in alignment with your overall company values, which in turns offers them more autonomy and improves wellbeing and performance. It’s win-win! So whether you’re already explicitly demonstrating and practising these skills with your employers, or just starting the conversation, or even assessing your own boundary setting skills, here are some top tips.

Stop worrying. Concerns you might have or hear from your team: Will I look like I’m being mean? Do I look arrogant? Am I being unreasonable? Will I upset someone? These may be valid questions to consider but the shouldn’t prevent you from prioritising your basic needs. Write down any concerns you have and come back to these during the process. Rest assured, asserting clear boundaries will only ever benefit you and those around you; when people are challenging our boundaries, more often than not it’s an emotional bid to assess where they stand therefore offering clarity at the outset is reassuring and comforting for all. It then allows more honesty and freedom within the set bounds, removing fear and confusion.

Spotting the warning signs. We all let our guards down from time to time, we’re human, and in some working relationships it’s very much appropriate but sometimes we can be left unsure of where we stand. If this is a newer conversation for your team or a moment of reflection for yourself, then these questions can kickstart the discussion.

• do you let agendas derail during conversations?
• do you set and stick to time limits?
• do you make yourself readily available 24/7?
• do you overly apologise?
• do you accept all forms of communication no matter the circumstance, disregarding what’s best for you?
• do you allow interruptions or intrusions without question?
• do you feel guilty saying no?
• do you accept unreasonable criticism from others when you are not readily available for them?
• do you feel the need to explain yourself in great detail when you feel you need to ‘let someone down’?
• do you say yes before you’ve thought about something?
• do you make promises that you can’t deliver?
• do you enjoy pleasing other people?
• do you sometimes feeling underappreciated?
• do you feel uncomfortable about information shared with you but keep quiet?
• do you find tone or delivery of information inappropriate but not know how to deal with it?

Analysing your responses. Identify a time where you’ve agreed to do something or allowed an incident to pass just to keep the peace or people please – how did you feel after the event? What stopped you being more honest in the moment? What were your genuine needs in that situation? What advice would you give to a friend in that exact same situation?

Outline where your priorities lie and turn these into your affirmations. What is important that you want protecting – your credibility, character, time, openness, expertise, private life? Turn these into affirmations with statement guides:

Communicate your needs clearly to those around you. Whether at the outset of a new working relationship; improving an existing relationship; or redefining boundaries when circumstances have changed – whatever the reason, communicate – no one is just going to guess or read your mind! Getting frustrated that someone isn’t respecting your unspoken boundaries and complaining about this to everyone but them, simply isn’t fair. Outline what works best for you and why e.g. time frames, language use, personal sharing, jokes, physical boundaries etc. Check at this point if that works for all involved and be prepared to take feedback on board. You may not have considered practicality for everyone and a degree of flexibility is always helpful.

If you’re having to negotiate a little on – make sure you feel comfortable on why that is and monitor how that works for you and the overall purpose of the situation you’re in e.g. specific job role. This isn’t an argument or a battle – it’s a conversation. Be assertive but polite. If challenged, ask open questions to gain more understanding and perspective and return to the discussion when you’ve had time to think.

Consider the context and main goal of the situation to insert more confidence into your boundary setting process. Who are you speaking to? How much of an explanation is needed to this person as to why you’re asserting your needs? Ask for help – ask a friend or partner to hold you accountable when they spot you buried under work or commitments, or someone to cheer you on when you’ve communicated clearly and professionally. Turn to a colleague or friend and ask for a critical eye on your expectations – are the fair and in appropriate alignment of the wider professional context?

Keeping track. It’s all well and good feeling super pleased with your newly found empowered self, but what happens from there? It’s important you reflect upon the boundaries you’ve set; all relationships are in a constant change of flux and that natural ebb and flow of life and situations means that our boundaries can be tested when we’re particularly tired, stressed, emotional, busy or even when we’re particularly happy! Listen to your emotions and your body – the physical symptoms will be different for everyone, but they’ll be clear. You might flare up in a heat of anger, feel your heart sink to your stomach, clench your jaw, huff, puffs, become snappy, exhausted or hear yourself speaking negatively when you wouldn’t usually.

What’s happening there? Investigate – reflect – identify – reassert.

Reasserting can be difficult for people pleasers and this can feel like time and energy you just don’t have. However it’s an investment in yourself you’ll never regret. Specify where the you feel any overstepping (or trampling!) has happened. Don’t generalise – be specific with what you feel happened. How did this make you feel? How can your behaviour change accordingly? If, moving forward, you tweaked your presence in the situation, would this resolve the conflict you’re feeling? If not, do you need to express yourself explicitly? If you’re unsure, track the situation by journalling around the situation, the person, their actions, your actions and your feelings. Do you notice an pattern or was this just a one-off? Not every single micro battle is worth fighting and we are all capable of misreading situations or intentions so if in doubt, monitor and practise empathy!

Are you the problem?? Uh oh! Finally, not all boundaries need to be set because of other people. Quite often, it can be because we’ve eagerly overloaded our plates in a bid to please others or for sheer excitement! I’m definitely guilty of this. Spreading yourself thin can happen without you realising it if you’re so eager to be involved in every area of your work. Here you need to refer back to essentialism and purpose. Outlining a maximum of 2-3 main purposes of your role, ask yourself honestly – does this support my main agenda? Could someone else use this opportunity to grow? Is there a chance I’ll regret this and become frustrated? Using a mental or literal checklist of questions can help us protect our own time, space, energy and workload.

Finally – if all else fails…! If you can’t trust yourself with setting the right boundaries in the moment, make a decision to set non-negotiable time for yourself to restore and refresh your energy and start with your protected bubbles of time and evaluate how that’s working for you. Equally, if you’re finding yourself oversharing and potentially blurring the lines, take stock of your professional and personal circle and decide before more relaxed setting, what information you want to keep private and who you’re comfortable sharing with.

Remember to recognise those successes. Setting boundaries can be incredibly daunting for some people, particularly in the workplace where we’re dealing with different dynamics on a constant basis so be kind to yourself above all and give it a go!

I’d love to hear what works for you in the workplace and beyond – share your thoughts, ideas and resources!

Image from: Quotes About Boundaries to Help You Set and Honor Them – Be More with Less